Employing Emmett
by mrsjaspercullen14
Summary: Emmett gets bored when everyone ggoes hunting and decides he needs a job. What seriously random things will he do. just started this cause I was really bored.
1. Emmett becomes a French teacher

I do not own Twilight or the characters.

Emmett becomes a…..French teacher

Emmett POV

I am so bored. It's not fair. How come humans get to sleep and vamps don't?

Everyone apart from Edward, Bella and I had left this morning to go hunting and Bella and Edward were currently doing something I didn't think they would want me to join in with.

I mentally ticked off the things in my head I had wanted to do today.

Wash my jeep. Check.

Embarrass Bella. Check.

Teach Reneesme a new swear word. Check.

Have some _adult fun _with Rosalie. Check.

Nothing left to do. I opened the daily local newspaper. I didn't normally read the newspaper. It was always the same crap over the last hundred years. Hell I am_ really_ bored.

I turned the page and a brightly coloured ad caught my eye amidst all the black and white and grey.

I burst out laughing when I realised it was a picture of our old High School Principal standing in front of a huge map of France with a huge goofy smile plastered across his face.

When I had calmed down, I read the advertisement properly. Forks High were looking for a new French teacher. I, of course was fluent in French. I hadn't been to Forks High since we had left a few years ago, just before Bella had became a vampire.

Hmmm, this could be fun.

* * *

I sat humming the Rugrats theme tune happily. I was sitting in a chair outside the Principal of Forks High School's office awaiting an interview for the position of French teacher. I wasn't nervous. With my level of French I would get the job no sweat.

"Emmett Cullen!" The Principal's secretary called out the door. She was an old woman with grey hair and wrinkles but I still nearly gave her a heart attack when I smiled and winked at her as I walked past her into the room.

Mr. Philips was sitting behind his desk looking tired and frustrated. When he looked up and saw me, his turned to utter surprise.

"Mr. Cullen! You're applying for a teaching position?" He sounded confused.

"Yes sir!" I saluted him. "Is that a problem?"

"No, no. I just wouldn't have thought of you as the teaching type."

_Well duh,_ I thought to myself. _I'm young, immature and incredibly good looking. Why should I be a teacher?_

I wowed him with my French and sure enough, after fifteen minutes, he told me the job was mine. I was to start on Monday. I knew I couldn't think about this when Edward was around and he'd tell Carlisle who would stop me before I set so much as one foot in a classroom door.

Awesome. This is gonna rock.

* * *

I entered the classroom for my first class on Monday morning to lots of sighs and gasps from the many girls. I smiled inwardly. This was going to be fun.

"Okay class, my name is Mr. Cullen and I'm going to be teaching you this year." All the girls had happy smiles on their faces and all the guys were glaring.

"We are going to start off by learning to say what we like and what we dislike."

"Umm, sir?" A small freckly kid put his hand up and I turned to face him. "This is a higher level French class. We learned how to say that ages ago."

"Well then you shouldn't have any trouble keeping up." I replied, unfazed.

"We'll go around the room and everyone will say something that they like and something that they don't like. I'll go first." I said.

"J'aime baiser Rosalie," I said loudly and all the kids stared at me, shocked. All the dirty little shits knew what that meant. They must've been looking nasty words up in the dictionary.

I continued, "Je le déteste quand Edward lit mon esprit." They all knew what that meant too 'cause they were looking at me as if I was crazy.

I was fired before the next period.

* * *

For those of you who don't know what the French means, "J'aime baiser Rosalie," means I like fucking Rosalie, and "Je le déteste quand Edward lit mon esprit." Means I dislike it when Edward reads my mind. Read and Review. I still have lots more ideas for Emmett to work as. If you have any ideas I'd love to hear them. Hope you liked it.


	2. Emmett becomes aPORN STAR!

* * *

I do not own Twilight bla bla bla

Emmett becomes a.....PORN STAR?!

EmPOV

When I had come home a few days ago after getting sacked, Edward read my mind and told everyone. I hate it when he does that.

But I still have my heart set on getting a job. Not that I needed the money, I just wanted to do something fun.

I looked out the windscreen of my jeep and saw human men and women filing out of a thin door barely visible to human eyes. The door was in the side of an old run down building, and beyond it I could see all kinds of camera equipment.

I drove by one of the women and rolled the window down.

"Hi. Can I give you a lift somewhere?" I wanted to know what they did in there. I'm a curious person.

"Yeah, sure handsome." She replied automatically when she laid eyes on me. She looked very common with brown hair and blue eyes but I suppose she was quite pretty. For a human. Still nothing on my Rose though.

"So," I began. I knew I didn't need to dilly dally. I could just get to the point and ask her. She would tell me.

"What do you people do behind that door?"

She looked like she was going to tell me to mind my own business but I turned round and gave her a huge, dazzling grin. She got totally flustered at that.

"We make porn movies." She blurted out before she could stop herself.

I smiled to myself. Porn movies, now that would be a lot more fun than being a French teacher.

"Wow. Do you know if they're looking for any more cast?" I asked smiling at her innocently. I hadn't even asked her name.

"No, they're not." She said, then raking her eyes over my body, lingering for a moment on the bulge in my pants, she added, "But for you, they might make an exception."

"Thanks. You can get out now." I told her.

"What I thought you were giving me a lift?"

"I was but I'm not anymore 'cause I just told you to get out." I replied.

She started jibbering but I wasn't listening. I opened the door and threw her out of my jeep gently. Wouldn't want any dead humans lying in the street now, would we?

I kept my thoughts to myself last night so Eddie didn't read my mind. Not that he didn't have _other_ _things_ to occupy his time with. And Edward said I was addicted to sex!

* * *

I went to the door the next day and the director took one look at me and hired me, firing one of the other cast members so I could take his place. The guy shot me a dirty look on his way out.

I read the script they had given me. _Wow. There is a lot of sex in this movie. No shit Em! It's a porno._ Okay great. I was talking to myself in my head.

I couldn't have sex with anyone but my Rosalie. I loved her too much to do that. I couldn't even have sex with a human without losing control. I don't know how Edward had done it.

The first scene was a naked scene so I stripped off my clothes. All the females and even some of the males were staring at and admiring my manlihood. I stood up straight and proud.

We got through the first scene, quickly. But in the second scene, I was supposed to have sex with this blonde woman he looked nothing like Rose.

I was about to tell them that I would do naked stuff but I couldn't have sex with another woman when the door burst open and Bella's dad came rushing in.

"Hi Charlie!" I yelled, while everyone else was either being arrested by the cops who entered behind him or sprinting out the door trying to get away from the raid.

He looked at me, confused, and then yelled at me. "Emmett, what the hell are you doing here?! And would you put some damn clothes on!" He said shielding his eyes.

I was fully dressed before he had even finished his sentence. Another cop came over and put metal cuffs on my hands behind my back. _Ah crap. Stupid Emmett! Now everyone's gonna find out about this. And to top it all off, Rosalie won't have sex with me for a month!_ I didn't even think about the fact that I had been arrested. Again.

* * *

There. Hope you liked it. I got so many reviews yesterday, I decided I'd update again. Just for you people. Please Review. Pretty Please!


	3. HO HO HO!

**I do not own twilight or the characters.**

**Ho Ho Ho!**

**EmPOV**

Over the last week, my life had been totally miserable.

1. Carlisle and Esme had had to come bail me out of jail, so they were pissed with me.

2. The whole of Forks is laughing at me because the first scene of my porn movie had _mysteriously_ appeared all over YouTube which Edward and Jasper both claimed to know nothing about.

3. Rosalie was still furious with me, even though both Edward and Alice had told her that I did not and was never going to sleep with another woman.

4. Rosalie won't have sex with me.

5. And Esme won't let me get a puppy.

Number 5 I'm especially annoyed about. Who doesn't want a puppy? But Esme says I wouldn't feed it or wash it or clean up after it. She says I'll get bored of it after a few days and eat the poor thing.

She's probably right.

Christmas is approaching and I need a way to get back in everyone's good books. There's no point in just buying everyone expensive gifts. Alice and Edward always know what we get everyone anyway.

I sat on the big sofa in front of the television and thought. And thought. And thought.

It was almost afternoon by the time I had come up with an idea that wouldn't backfire easily. I was going to make everyone really, really happy.

I quickly blocked my mind and thought of Rose naked just encase Edward was listening in. Then I got up and ran out the front door slamming it behind me.

* * *

I arrived at the Port Angeles mall in dangerous timing that would probably have gotten any human killed. Edward and Bella were bringing Reneesme here at 2 o'clock. It was now a quarter to. That should be enough time to put my plan into action.

I followed the guy dressed as Santa into the men's bathrooms.

"Hi." I said politely. He nodded to me and turned around to do his business.

I turned the tap on full way and put my hand under it causing water to go everywhere and distracting Santa so that pee went everywhere including all over himself.

"Awww, Crap!" He yelled.

"Oh shit, man, I'm so sorry." I said innocently, while inwardly smirking and high-fiving myself.

After a few minutes, the manager came in, looking for his Santa Clause. He tried not to laugh when he saw the predicament Santa had got himself into.

But then his humoured expression turned to one of worry.

"I can fill in for him if you want." I said, nodding towards Santa who was now cursing. "I even have a spare Santa suit with me!" I patted my backpack.

The manager looked relieved and agreed only too eagerly. I figured if something had happened with Santa, he was second in line to take his place.

The manager led me out into the little grotto they had set up for the kids to come see 'Santa'. I sat in the huge throne-like chair and awaited the first kid.

Everything went smoothly for a while, and then it was Reneesme's turn.

The little cross between Edward and Bella climbed up on to my knee and started telling me what she wanted for Christmas.

"Hey Reneesme," I chuckled quietly. "Guess who?"

She looked shocked, and then asked, "Uncle Em?"

Things went downhill from then.

"You're not Santa!" She screamed at me and started pounding me with her little fists, which actually hurt a little considering her vamp strength.

"Oh come on, Nessie! You don't actually believe that Santa is real, do you?" I yelled over my squeals.

Bella and Edward were whispering to me to shut up so quietly that nobody else could hear and shooting daggers at me with their glares.

"It's obviously just your parents leaving you presents! Like seriously Nessie, a fat guy coming down a chimney? Who'd believe that?" I continued.

Oh crap. I'd really put my foot in it. There were tears in Reneesme's eyes as she ran to Bella and Edward. All the other kids in the line had also heard and were sobbing in their parents arms.

Needless to say, that job didn't work out either.

Now Bella, Edward and Reneesme were also mad at me.

Well, I'd definitely screwed up again.

Non-backfiring plan, my ass!


	4. Emmett Gone Bad

I do not own Twilight or the characters

Except Jasper

Okay so I don't own Jasper either, so sew me.

**Emmett Gone Bad**

**EmPOV**

The Santa Clause incident had caused just about everyone to get angry with me. And those who had already been angry were now furious. So the plan didn't exactly go the way I'd planned. I guess I should ask Alice how things will turn out before I did them. Little pixie would probably lie though just to see me make a fool of myself.

Maybe making a fool of myself wouldn't be such a bad idea. It would make everyone laugh so they couldn't be mad at me. It's the perfect plan!

Oh! And I knew exactly what to do!

Alice came in and sat on the sofa beside me. She was giggling uncontrollably and I could tell she had seen what I was going to do.

"Good plan, Em! It's going to work." She laughed.

I couldn't help but smile along with her, and then quickly warned her to hide her thoughts. I wanted the mind-reading vampire dude to see along with everyone else.

"Emmett, you gotta go now or you'll miss her. She'll be in dressing room 5."

"Thanks Alice. See ya later!" I yelled while running at vamp speed. It would be much faster to run than to take my jeep. Trust Alice to tell me what I was going to do.

* * *

I got to LA in record time even for a vampire. The long run didn't even make me out of breath, mostly because I don't technically need to breathe. It took me no time at all for me to find the studio where the show was filmed.

It was huge and there were lots of palm trees around. It didn't matter that it was really sunny here because it was an overcast winter day and it had gotten dark early. The wall were made of hard grey cement and I could feel the ventilation from where I was standing, a few metres away.

I ran past the security guard standing by the door labelled 'Authorized Personnel Only' at vampire speed. I then hid around the corner of the hallway so I wouldn't be caught when he turned around to look for the source of the strange wind which had just passed him.

I crept down the hallways only having to stop and hide occasionally when someone was walking past.

I punched the air in triumph when I found a corridor filled with doors with little numbers on it. It was pretty obvious that these rooms were the dressing rooms. I did a happy dance while singing 'We are the Champions' in my head.

I could hear voices behind most of the doors. I recognised her voice and would've known which room she was in even if Alice hadn't told me. After years of being addicted to the show, which nobody could really explain, I would recognise her voice anywhere.

I peeked through the keyhole and with my amazing vamp sight; I could see that there were about three people in there with her. From what I could establish, they were her make-up crew.

'_Lucky, stupid teenage kid gets her own make-up stylists. It's so not fair!' _A venomous voice said in my head. I froze at that thought, wondering where it had come from. Eventually I decided to ignore it, thinking Rosalie and Alice were just rubbing off on me.

When I came back to reality, I was surprised to see the three stylists right behind the door, about to leave.

Whoops. Better hide. By the time they had turned the door knob, I was hiding in a store cupboard just down the hall. Hey, this will be the perfect place to hide the kid.

Once the voices were far enough away, I sneaked back to the door with a little blue, glittery no 5 on it.

I opened the door and stepped in soundlessly. She was alone now and didn't see me come in. I crept up behind her chair and put my hand to her mouth rather lightly. It would be tight to her anyway and I didn't want to squeeze her brains out with my super strength. She looked terrified.

"I'm not gonna hurt you cause you're my hero. I just wanna have some fun today." She took one look at my huge muscles and decided it would be pointless to fight. Smart choice. I pulled a pen and an autograph book out of my pockets. I sent a silent prayer to Alice thanking her for her visions and for being prepared.

"Also, would you mind signing this?" I asked sheepishly. She probably thought I was kidnapping her yet I was asking for her autograph. I handed her the book and pen and she shakily signed her autograph.

"Sorry, but I gotta do this." I told her. I hit her just hard enough to keep her unconscious for a few hours without hurting her. I cursed myself under my breath for doing that to my hero. I tied her hand together behind her back, and then her feet. I put a huge piece of tape across her mouth so she couldn't scream just encase she woke up. I did this all with my vampire speed so it was done in a couple of minutes.

I looked either way when I got to the door. The corridor was deserted. I carried the girl easily to the store cupboard and laid her there as comfortably as I could. Not that I would know about comfort. I'm a vampire. I could be standing on my head for hours and I wouldn't feel the slightest twinge of discomfort.

I hurried back to the dressing room where I put on a lot of make-up almost expertly thanks to my Rosie, put on the girl's clothes for today's show, and put on two wigs. The one I had brought in my bag first and the one laid out neatly on my hero's dressing table after.

I looked great. I would make a gorgeous girl.

* * *

Please Review. It would make my day. I'm nearly out of ideas though so I'll probably finish it soon. Unless any of you guys have any good ideas. Please Review.


	5. The Best of Both Worlds

**I wish I owned Twilight but sadly I do not.**

**Congrats to SaRaPiE who got it right! Yay!!!**

**I normally write from Emmett's POV in this story but this chapter is going to be from Bella's.**

**The Best of Both Worlds**

**BPOV**

Emmett came home with a huge grin on his face. He had been out for hours and nobody except Alice knew where he had been who was currently translating bad 60s songs into different languages. Evil little pixie had been hiding her thoughts from Edward for hours.

"Hello, wonderful family! I am home at long last! Did you guys miss me?" He yelled. He came over to the sofa and ruffled Edward's hair, earning him a punch in the nose.

"Emmett! Where the hell have you been?!" A blur of colour ran into Emmett's arms. Rosalie pulled away from Emmett and hit him sharply on the head. She had already been pissed at Emmett and now she looked like she were having an internal argument whether she should forgive him or get even angrier at him.

I turned to Edward who was sitting beside me on the sofa in front of the TV. Edward knew what I wanted to know even though he can't read my mind.

"He's singing every Britney Spears song she ever made." Emmett? Britney Spears? Who knew? I guess you really do learn new things every day.

Rosalie looked like she had come to an agreement in her head. She grabbed Emmett's hand and dragged him upstairs to their room. Edward passed me a set of ear plugs Alice had promised we would need. I accepted them gratefully and popped them in my ears.

"_Some solution"_ I heard Edward mutter under his breath before a good bit of my hearing was cut off. I smiled at his comment.

Edward and I went to the cottage and had some fun of our own for the next few hours. Nessie was with Jacob and the pack.

* * *

A few hours later, the whole family was in the sitting room of the main house. For some reason, Emmett had assembled us all here. He said there was something to show us. _I wonder if Emmett's going to tell us where he's been all day._

He sat us all down in front of the TV. Renesmee was sitting between Edward and I, and Alice was on my other side, cackling her little head of. Emmett turned on the TV to the Disney channel. We had originally gotten that channel for Renesmee but Emmett watched it ten times more than she did.

Hannah Montana was coming on next. Was Emmett really going to make us all watch this? Emmett had a really weird obsession with this show. He had a Hannah Montana backpack, night light, lunch box even though we don't eat, pens and pencils, posters. Basically his whole half of his and Rosalie's room was dedicated to the show.

We all thought it was just a weird phase and he would get over it eventually. What we saw next showed us all just how much Emmett loved Hannah Montana.

The girl looked like Hannah Montana. She sounded like Hannah Montana. Any human would've believed it was Hannah Montana. But it was unmistakeably..._Emmett?!_

The house shook as everyone erupted into laughter. There wasn't going to be a house if we didn't calm down. But I couldn't. If I was still human, I would've been sobbing from the hysterics.

Emmett...blonde! Emmett...wearing make-up! Emmett...in a dress! It was hilarious. We didn't manage to watch the rest of the show because we were still laughing.

"Aww, we missed it!" I sighed. Emmett's acting would have embarrassed him even more.

But Emmett stood tall and proud. He was happy with his day's work. Well I guess he'd succeeded in stopping everyone being angry at him.

"Don't worry Bella," Alice told me. "I was well prepared. I recorded the whole thing." That wiped the smile off Emmett's face. "Oh yeah, this is going up all over You Tube."

Emmett yelled in protest and jumped at Alice. She moved out of the way so fast that Emmett ended up sprawled across the sofa on top of Edward, Renesmee and I. Emmett weighed a ton!

Alice giggled and took off outside probably seeing a big fight coming on. Esme hurried after them, trying to stop them from ruining her garden. The rest of us sat there laughing for another half hour before we decided to go break it up between Alice and Emmett.

"Who do you think will be winning?" I asked Rosalie. Emmett was stronger and faster but Alice can see the future and Emmett was also incredibly stupid for being just under a century old.

"Emmett, My monkey-man." She replied dreamily.

"I bet Alice." I said to her quietly, slipping a hundred dollars into her hand. We didn't want Esme or Carlisle to hear. They didn't approve of our betting.

We split up to look for them after that so we had no problem of Carlisle or Esme overhearing us.

"You're on!" Rosalie whispered so only I could hear.

We found Emmett sitting in a huge oak tree about a mile from the house.

"She had a spider!" He whimpered. Emmett ate grizzlies almost daily, yet he was afraid of a spider?! It was just another of the strange things about Emmett.

I found Alice behind a yew nearby, snickering while Rosalie was trying to coax a terrified Emmett out of the tree. It was an unimaginably funny sight. I broke down into giggles which only started Alice off again.

On the way back, Rosalie slipped two hundred dollars into my hand. When was she going to learn that you don't bet against Alice?

* * *

**Please Review. I love hearing what people think.**


	6. Holy Crap!

**Disclaimer: I do not take credit for Twilight or the amazing characters.**

**You all get it by now.**

**Sorry it took so long to get up, but it's longer than normal and the laptop broke so I have to work off the old computer which btw is really, really slow. Hope you like it!**

**Holy Crap!**

**Emmett POV**

My adventures as Hannah Montana were officially over and I had decided that I do not need a job. Carlisle can give me money. All the buzz and laughter had died down after a few weeks but I still had to get my revenge on Alice for showing that video to all my vampire friends and for the spider incident. How could she? She knows I'm terrified of spiders!

I was in the process of planning a huge attack but because the evil little pixie could see the future I had too keep changing plans. I might as well forget it. I'm never going to get one over on her anyways.

No. I will not give up so easily.

I entered the Washington Street Cats charity shop. Phase one of my plan was about to begin.

"Hello!" I called when I entered the joint and saw there was nobody around.

I was totally stunned when an old lady wearing a habit came out of the back room. I may be stupid but I do know that these people were nuns. I had no idea that the nuns ran the Street Cats charity.

"Be quiet child or you will wake all the cats!" She whispered furiously to me. Wow. Someone had their habit in a twist.

"Sorry Sista," I grinned, approaching the counter. "I want to adopt a cat." You should've seen her face when I told her that. She probably thought I had wandered in here by accident looking for the games arcade or football pitch or something. I am way smarter than people give me credit for.

"Okay, well they're some forms you'll have to sign and then you can pick one. And do not call me 'Sista'" She told me after she had recovered from the shock.

"Okey dokey!" I said brightly. I signed the forms were she showed me to in my messy scrawl. You'd think after living so many years and repeating school numerous times, my hand writing would've gotten neater. It had. You could actually read it now.

"I want the biggest and scariest cat there is!" I yelled excitedly. Behind a door I could immediately hear the meows and hisses of the many cats. The nun gave me a disapproving look. She was probably worried about what would happen to the cat once I got my hands on it.

"If you don't mind my asking, boy," Ugh. I hate it when people call me 'boy' or 'kid' when I'm probably older than their great-grandparents. "Why is it that a fit, handsome, young man like you wants to adopt a cat when you would much rather be outside playing football or something?"

There we go with the stereotypical comments again. I thought nuns weren't supposed to judge. There is no football in the world that wouldn't fly to Timbuktu if I so much as tapped it. I didn't think before I answered her.

"Revenge!" I said in my evil, cackle witch voice and rubbed my hands together. Aw crap! She's not gonna give me the damn animal now, is she?

She looked at me angrily, but then her expression softened into a frown. "God died for our sins, and yet people continue to be mean and hurtful to each other." She said sadly. That made me feel bad. I had never really listened to all of that Bible stuff, so I didn't know what she was talking about but it sounded like a sacrifice or something.

"Animals are God's creatures too, not just humans." She was back to being the angry Sista again. See, there was her mistake. I am not human. Nor animal. That is just my diet. Of course I wouldn't say that out loud.

She started leading me towards the back room where the animals were kept. I guess they really needed to be rid of some of the cats because no sane person would give _me_ a cat.

"I strutted up to a fat ginger tabby thinking it looked like Edward. "Hello kitty, kitty!" I cooed, stretching a finger out to pet her. The fatty cat flew at the cage door faster than I could and dug its claws at my face. It would have ripped a human's face off, but it didn't even penetrate my skin.

"JESUS CHRIST!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, mostly out of surprise.

The Sassy Sista gave me another look that clearly said 'grrr'.

"Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain!" She said angrily. What the fuck was this crazy nun chick on about? I have to admit it sounds kinda interesting.

"Tell me about your religion, sister?" I asked her.

We got talking for a while. All the God and Jesus stuff was really interesting. I decided I had wasted enough of my time. It was time for me to become a Catholic and start preaching God's word.

* * *

I had been gone about a week, taking numerous vows and stuff. I'm a nun now!

I blessed myself praying for my life once I got in hearing distance of the house which was actually a couple of miles away. Rosalie was going to kill me for being away so long with no phone calls or anything.

No one came out to meet me even though they probably all knew I was home. They'd probably try to block the door or something. I'm so tragically unloved by anyone. Apart from the lord.

When I got nearer to the house, I saw Bella and Edward kissing in the porch. Ugh! They never stopped! And they called Rosalie and I animals.

PDA's in thee presence of the Lord. I think not! I'll make this right.

I marched up to the couple and pushed them apart. They both gave me the same angry look. "Leave room for the Holy Spirit!" I said, and tried to skip off but tripped over the long robe.

I heard them both laughing hysterically as they took in my nun's outfit. "Rose is gonna be so mad." Bella said, looking worried for a second but then she started laughing again.

The front door opened and someone walked out. I could practically feel the ground shake as those footsteps came towards me. It was Rosalie.

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE PAST WEEK?!" I whimpered on the ground like a puppy and covered my ears. "NO NOTE, NO PHONE CALLS, NO NOTHING!" She is totally furious. I am terrified.

She shouted for another while and I lay on the ground at her feet. At some point when Rosie was shouting at me, the rest of our 'family' had come out to see what I had done. Carlisle eventually stopped Rosalie from murdering me and suggested we all go inside and discuss this 'rationally'. Yeah right.

We all had to make peace. That is what the Lord taught us.

Carlisle sat down in the arm chair and I sat in the sofa furthest from where Rosalie stood fuming. He looked exhausted, even though technically vampires couldn't get tired.

"Emmett, do you realise what you have done?" He asked me. I guess Edward had already filled him in on where I'd been and what I'd been doing. _Stupid mind-reading vampire. _

A growl from the corner of the room told me Edward was 'listening'. _Oops. Sorry Eddie! _

"Don't call me Eddie!" He growled under his breath but everyone heard it anyway. I ignored him and answered Carlisle instead.

"I am fulfilling my life's purpose and spreading the Word of God by becoming a nun. You guys would do well to follow my example." I said truthfully. Everyone was snickering except Rosalie and Carlisle.

"I thought only women could be nuns?" Esme spoke up.

"I thought so too but anyone who wants to be a follower of God can take the oath." I told them all what the Sister had told me.

"You took oaths?" Carlisle asked me. I nodded and he swore under his breath. That was unusual. Carlisle didn't approve of using 'dirty' language. His words, not mine.

"Emmett, do you realise that you now have to live at the Abbey?" He asked me slowly as if I was crazy.

I didn't know that but I didn't mind so I nodded my head.

"And you can't spend lots of money?"

I nodded again. The giving up money thing was going to be hard but then I thought of all the poor, starving people in the world.

"You can't drive your jeep," He continued.

NOOOO!!! My jeep! My pride and joy. Did I really want to give it up for the sake of God?

I internally shook myself and told myself I would be rewarded in heaven. If I ever died.

"I'll live without my jeep." I told the whole room.

"Wow," Jasper whispered, "I think he's actually serious about this whole nun business!" He looked shocked. Bella had a funny look on her face which was a cross between shock and humour.

It seemed like Carlisle was going to give up, but then it looked like a light bulb went off in his head.

"Emmett, if you stay a nun, you realise you can't have Rosalie." He knew he'd be successful this time and had a triumphant expression on his face.

My eyes went wide and I sat up straight. N..n..no Rosalie. What would I do? I love her even more than my jeep! No sex! No sex with Rosalie.

"HOLY CRAP!" I yelled as I rushed out the door to undo the carnage my stupid self had created.

**

* * *

**

**Please read and review. This is the last chapter so if you thought the story was good at all, PLEASE REVIEW!**


End file.
